Our Cup Runneth Over
It fell from the sky and hit me square in the head. Validation. And then another brick fell and another one. Each brick had the word VALIDATION engraved on the side. At 3 am, I said to myself, “I don’t want to write about validation.” It’s scary and it hurts like hell. And yet, here I am, attempting to give this one a go.
For me, tethering validation to parts of my past is like watching Chevy Chase in the movie Christmas Vacation. First, he’s alone and freezing in a dusty, sentimental and somewhat creepy attic. Second, he stands directly on a floor board and endures the pain of getting knocked square in the forehead. Ouch. As he’s attempting to find his balance, he turns the other direction and whack! The same thing happens again.
If we cruise by validation like we are enjoying a Sunday drive, it seems pleasant enough. Yes, we all appreciate feeling seen and validated. It fills our social, emotional, intellectual and spiritual buckets for sure. Nothing wrong here.
And then, it hit me (think Chevy Chase. whack). I wanted to dig a little deeper. I wanted to investigate the nitty, gritty and somewhat dirty truths of validation. WHY and HOW do we seek it?
Because I think in pictures, I was presented with this image. Close your eyes and think of a favorite dining spot. See the doors leading into the kitchen and out of the kitchen. Finding validation feels very similar. Do you walk in? or Do you walk out? In other words, where and how do you fill your own bucket? Do you fill yourself from within or do you call on an outside job?
Gulp. Truth tonic. This is a slippery slope. It is one I didn’t want to hold a candle to for years, perhaps ever. Was I seeing myself FULLY or did I need other people, things and money to do that for me?
For years and years, I’ve had the same reoccurring dream. I was standing in my high-school auditorium as the end of the year awards were being presented. In each dream, I’d say to myself “Ok, this is it. THEY are finally going to SEE ME and I will win!” Just as the announcement was about to be made, I’d wake up. Dammit. It was so darn frustrating.
This dream started coming harder and faster. WAKE UP AND PAY ATTENTION! Fine! Ugh! No! I don’t want to!
Truth. I was in a constant search for an outside source to do the dirty work for me. I couldn’t SEE me and I didn’t want to see me. I couldn’t fill my own bucket and so I was in a vicious cycle of needing someone else to do it for me.
Seeing my own truth is hard and validating myself and my truth is even harder. Shining a big, bold, bright flashlight on my muck is uncomfortable. Saying to yourself, “I am enough” seems ridiculous. But, why not?
As I conclude, I want to share this. I just hung up with phone my spiritual sister…. my love lady. As the universe would have it, the conversation twisted and turned and landed square in Validation Land. She shared some beautiful moments of feeling validated through her work. She felt seen…in ALL ways.
So, what if, we work to fill ourselves to the brim with self-love and validation (Nope…EGO… you are not invited to this celebration. Just love) and all the extra is your cup runneth over?
