A Jostled Ego
I recently bumped up against some feedback on my writing. Woozer… my ego greeted this news at the door. It zinged and binged me in an unexpected way. I made myself sit with it. I became the detective I speak of often. I pulled out my magnifying glass and found exactly what I was looking for.
Well, you guessed it. There I was. University of Queensland, Brisbane, Australia (1997 to be precise). The auditorium was dimly lit, hundreds of people rearranging their bodies in those squeaky, retractable seats and me, holding those ever impactful words “Is English your first language?”
This wound runs deep. This wound needs more love then perhaps I’m ready to give it. But, damned… I will continue to try.
In this wound, I find all my insecurities around how I think, feel, see and love in this world. In this wound, I find myself standing outside of a box, way outside of the box. In this wound, I find myself wrestling with how other’s perceive me and in this wound, I ask “Is my message clear?”
This feedback turned out to be a beautiful gift. It continues to force me to gain clarity on why and how I write. What is my mission and vision with all of this?
After speaking with a close friend and teacher yesterday, she said “Christine, you ARE ready to jump…. what is holding you back?” I said “Darn it. You know exactly what is holding me back. I’m too worried that I will turn people away.” “And what if you do?” she said. I said “I need to stay in my truth and be ok with that.” And, as she often does, she simply said “Uh- huh.”
I share my stories so that others can share theirs too. I share my stories so readers can say “Yes, I’ve experienced that!” And here is my deepest truth with why I write…. I share my stories because I want to make room. Yup! I want to make room within my energetic and spiritual self. I want to let MORE universal LOVE and MORE universal LIGHT be able to flow through me. I want my own TRUTH to have room to breathe and rise to the surface. So, if you’re still with me… join me… this can be a fun ride.
