Mr. 990
Imagine this. We have a billion tiny stories living inside our bodies. Some of these stories are chosen and some are not. They might represent a powerful memory or something that just happened. They might feel traumatic, dramatic or anywhere in between. Some we like to share and celebrate, while others we want to hide away deep within our anatomy never to be spoken of again. Regardless of it’s magnitude, these stories have magical capabilities that either propel us forward or limit our growth.
So here’s what I’d like to ponder. Recently I’ve been processing, meditating on, chatting about the concept of Limiting Beliefs. Those “things” we BELIEVE about ourselves or tell ourselves that hold us back in life. These beliefs can be really grand and obvious and in our face almost daily orrrrr, they can be super sneaky. I like the sneaky ones and here is one story I’d like to share.
LIMITING BELIEF #3~ I am not smart enough to….
When I was in 10th grade, my parents decided it would be a fantastic idea to hire me an SAT tutor (sound familiar?). My grades in school were average at best and what I lacked in “intellect” or general smarts, I made up for in my effort and participation in class. I was mostly liked by my teachers, I could tell a good joke and enjoyed a good banter with my fellow classmates. Unfortunately, “effort” doesn’t help your SAT scores and is not necessarily a top priority in the college admissions process.
And so it went. I hopped on my bike every Wednesday afternoon, rode the 1.5 minute commute and begrudgingly stepped through the door of Matt’s office. Matt was a cool guy, mid-twenties, trying to navigate his mid-mid-life crisis world and while he did that, he tutored. I liked Matt. We got along. All was good.
Over two years, I took practice test after practice test. He taught me all the tricks of the trade. I had hours of extra homework and still…… my scores WOULD NOT MOVE. The feisty envelope arrived one day and inside I read the number 990. A total of 990. In all honesty, I don’t remember my own reaction, but I sure remember Matts’. He said to me “Christine, you have been my only failure.”
OUCH.
I didn’t think of this story until this morning as I was doing a deep dive into my own limiting beliefs. This was one of those sneaky ones. It found a home deep in my subconsious and whether I knew it or not, it still held power. Like someone tugging at the back of your shirt, it held me back. The overall message was “Christine, you’re not smart enough to write or teach.” Well, well, well…. look who’s in charge now Mr. 990.
I share stories because I believe they have the power to heal. When we release them to the world, we create space within ourselves to grow something new, something authentic and something filled with our OWN truth. Go on now… give a try. What is one of your limiting beliefs?
