The Stories Our Bodies Tell

This story has been stuck in my throat for a very long time. Prior to that, it was probably buried somewhere deeper inside of me so I guess I need to give thanks to the fact that it does want to come out. It does want to be freed.

Think of it like this. Many of us enjoy a good cleanse or spring cleaning. We cleanse our bodies and spaces so new energy can flow and we feel an overall sense of peace and calm.

This can be true with the stories from our past. Childhood stories or traumas can live inside of us, collect dust and cause us to feel cluttered or messy and sometimes even lead to dis-ease or other illnesses.

For a while now, I have felt blocked and the funny thing is, I knew why. I knew what I wanted to release but the story came with a lot of shame. It’s hard to hold space for shame to rise and so, I ignored it.

This childhood story is about my body. It’s a story I gave a lot of power to and anytime I felt guilt or shame around food or how I looked in the mirror or in pictures, this story said “Ha Ha… yup! I still have a hold on you.”

Not anymore. My turn to take my power back.

Here it is. My 8th grade class was taking a road trip from Philadelphia, PA to somewhere in North Carolina. The anticipation of the next few days was a buzz as we all filed onto the Greyhound bus equipped with it’s own bathroom and minuscule TV. Attempting to watch that thing today would certainly make me sicker then sick. Do you remember those?

Our journey south was off to a great start until we started navigating some more back country roads. No one was really paying much attention until the irritating “beep beep beep” sounded as our bus driver started to reverse. With that, voices echoed “What’s happening, what’s going on?”

Our teacher calmly stood up and said “We have come to a small bridge that we can’t cross.” “Well, why not?” a friend asked. Our teacher replied “Because the weight limit of the bridge says 10 Tons and our bus weighs more than that.”

Here’s the zinger. A classmate of mine yelled to everyone “Well, why don’t we just roll Christine off the bus?”

There it is. Plain and simple and yet some of the most powerful words I’ve ever held on to in my life. Even as I sit here and write, my heart pounds and I feel a tinge of sadness and shame for my younger self. I want to hold her hand and say “No, that is not you. In fact, it has nothing to do with you. Those words come from a place of sadness within her. You’re ok, your body is not a place to hold shame.”

It’s not easy to turn around and call forth stories from our past. It’s uncomfortable and rattling and yet, can free us from a lot of pain and suffering. When I did more intensive work around this, I cried and cried as it jostled it’s way out.

Working with our own self-worth is a topic I know many of us wrestle with. However I also know, little by little, we can set these parts of us free with compassion and grace and in doing so… a sense of newness, calm and peace can find it’s way in.

Is there a story you still give power too?

Thanks for being here. With love…