It’s Not Raining
It was an old fashion standoff between my mother and me. The weather that day was pouring rain…like the kind of rain that chimes, zings and plops as it falls. My mother handed me a creased (fresh out of the wrapper), powder blue, floor length raincoat with a corduroy collar (think LLBean circa 1986). I took one look at her and one look at the raincoat and then starred straight into her eyes. “It’s not raining,” I said.
There we stood. Face to face. Eye to eye. No CHANCE was I donning THAT raincoat. It is important to note that, in my mind, this jacket would be my so called fashionista deal breaker. It would absolutely ruin the already stellar “look” I was going for. To paint a quick picture…I was a banged, greasy haired, 5th grader wearing an awkward knee length uniform skirt and an oversized leafy green gap sweater (chunky collar).
The rain was coming down like cats and dogs. It’s not raining.
Believe it or not, I gave in. I can still feel the restriction of that darn powder blue coat as my thick sweater tried to pop through at my wrists. Ugh. It was my fifth grade version of fashion hell. For the remainder of the day, I was a grumpy stink.
I think about this fantastic flashback often when I bump up against stubbornness and not seeing something or someone eye to eye. How do we hold space for these standoffs to play out? What is the right thing to do? Well, my friends….it’s time to hold up the darn mirror and become BFF with your stubborn self.
It’s funny. One thing I’ve learned about myself over the years is that I truly LOVE the grey. I appreciate fluid spaces. There’s the box, and I am somewhere outside of it. But, And, But…I AM STUBBORN.
This is where I land. Instead of focusing on the many situations and various players that might be involved in any screenplay starring stubbornness, I’ve decided to hold up the mirror. What does it FEEL like when I’m in these situations? No matter what or who…I sweat. My mind races. My ears buzz. My heart space shrinks and my ego says “I’ve got this.”
Overtime, I’ve learned to become friends with these uncomfortable sensations. Think sensation NOT situation. I say hello to all of them. I give breath to all of them and then, create space. I create a visual of myself traveling away from my head and back to my heart. Home.
When I’m in my heart, sometimes things work out and sometimes they don’t. When I’m in my heart, there is compassion and empathy. When I’m in my heart, I know that I am ok.
I write and speak about our energetic selves often. There’s magic here. Gorgeous colors of energy each representing the stories and emotions that live in us. Notice it. Play with it and as always, thanks for reading.
